Amazing Letter
Buck received a really amazing letter from a fan. It is clear that Buck has truly touched this person’s life and made a tremendous impact on him:
Dear Mr.Angel,
I am sorry to bother you as I am sure you are a busy man. My name is TJ, and you do not know me, but you are changing my life. I am a 30 year old female, and like you, I feel cursed. I was raised but a overbearing mother who taught me self hate from a VERY early age. I was conditioned to feel dirty, sick, and ashamed of who I was (and am). As a result I have spent my entire life in hell.
I never felt like a woman even from early childhood. As a kid I would dream of the day that I would grow into the MAN I saw myself to be. I didn’t even really realize I was a female until I was about 7 when I was beaten up at school for being “queer.” I would pretend to shave my face like my stepfather. I wanted to be myself so badly that even my earliest memories are filled with dreams of “growing into” my penis, and often would wake up to cry myself back to sleep when I realized it was, in fact, a dream.
The “values” forced opon me were so filled with hate and intolerance that even being “lesbian” has caused a Lifetime of emotional abuse. So instilled in me was this that I am still considered an outcast in my mothers mind.
The concept of reassignment was not an option I felt I had, although always a secret dream. From what I was taught and the little information I was given, I thought I would never be happy, and hope(ed) for death daily, Because I know I will be a the man I am in the next life.
I have been with the same beautiful woman, Jenn, for 7 years now. It is because of her love and support that i am able to finally have hope. She had called me her “husband” for years, she has allowed me to be as true to yself as I can. She even has taken to calling me “Trent” as we BOTH feel it is my name. She has expressed her acceptance and support of and for me since day-one but I felt I couldnt truely accept myself.
I thougt the reassignment surgery(at least FtM )was crude at best. The men that I had seen always looked wrong, never masculine, never truely the MEN they wanted and needed to be. Until My wife and I were goofing around on the internet and “as a joke” I googled “female to male sex change”. It was this fateful act that has led me to you.
I wanted to cry when I saw how happy and “real” you are. You have become my DREAM. I don’t know where to begin expressing my pride and support for you. You litterally are changing my life as I even type now. You have shown me, not only that the surgery has come a long way in the last 10 or so years, but that it can truely make someone as “cursed” as I have been, able to feel blessed.
This letter is my personal First Step. My wife and I have had many,(many, many….) conversations on the matter. I freely admit to being afraid, and uneasy about the repercussions this will bring, especially within my family and friends. I am almost cirtain that they will (all) either abandon me or dispise me. However, I finally can say that I no longer feel I have to please the unpleasable. Their reaction is beyond my control.
I am ignorant about how to start this, as well as unsure how Im going to raise the funding for such a long and difficult procidure (I am a cab driver by profession). I have a few “adult toy” consepts and ideas and my hope is that I will be able to sell these ideas and make enough money to climb out of the hell I have endured for 30 years.
Please Mr. Angel, any advice you could offer would be most appreciated, as well as information on how and where to start. Like you I want to see MYSELF when I look in the mirror so recomendations for doctors as well as web sites would also be immensly helpful.
No matter the cost, (be it financial, emotional, or physical) I WILL find a way. I WILL be the man I know I am. I have you to thank for this hope, determination, and strength. Both yourself and my wife are honestly my heroes, I owe you both my life and sanity. You are the definition of “Angel.” From the core of my being, I thank you.
Sincerly,
TJ “Trent” Strong
P.S. Your work in the film industry is amazing! I have been a supporter and fan of the adult genre (film, toys, literature, etc.) as long as I can remember, and you work is some of the best I have seen.
